Don't Mess With the Man With an Axe
by Badrang3
Summary: Yunsung is brave, couragous, skilled, and honourable! Astaroth really doesn't care. Yunsung bashing, rated T for slight violence near the end.


Astaroth was sitting at his table at an inn in the common room somewhere in Europe. He didn't have enough money to actually stay at the inn, but when you could lift an axe that size, well, who needed money. And let it not be said that Astaroth was heartless; he had only killed three others at the inn, and that was only because they were hitting on him. And since no one else seemed too keen on bothering him, he was allowed to enjoy his mug of coffee in peace.

As he took another sip from his mug, he planned his next course of action; it was always good to plan ahead before going on a murderous rampage. It was a tough choice: Switzerland or England? He was leaning towards England. At least he knew of someplace where he could stay there. Astaroth wondered if she remembered…

He was about to take another sip when a voice from the door yelled, "So, I have at last found you, scum!"

Astaroth and every one else in the room turned to the door, to see who was insane enough to call a six foot man with a six foot axe "scum." As the figure walked further into the light, it was revealed to be a short youth, with bright red hair and a Chinese style sword.

In other words, to a man like Astaroth, he wasn't that threatening.

The boy smiled insolently and continued his speech (which it appeared he had rehearsed for a very long time). "You have left a trail of blood and disaster behind you, and now you must pay!" As Astaroth didn't reply, the boy continued. "Now I have caught you, without any cronies or traps to hide behind! How does it feel, now that you're facing a true warrior?!"

Astaroth furrowed his brow. Who was this guy? And who wrote his dialogue? He seemed to be trying very hard to intimidate him. But, as it has been noted, Astaroth was 6'4 and weighed 287 pounds, where as the man with the red hair, as it were, wasn't.

The youth continued his monologue. "You have fought many warriors, and have destroyed many lives, but now, I, Hong Yunsung, wielder of the sword White Storm, will finally show you justice! At last, I'll…"

Astaroth raised his hand. "Hold it," he said, finally getting an idea of what was going on here. "You wouldn't happen to be trying to 'prove' yourself, or something like that, would you?"

Yunsung let out a laugh. "Ha! I have already proven my self many times in battle, and more honourably than you, no doubt! But with the defeat of you, worm, perhaps I will show my master that I truly am…"

"I knew it!" Astaroth groaned, and he clutched his forehead. "You're one of those kids who, having beaten everyone in your Dojo, or Punching Club, or whatever you kids call it these days, have decided to go out and make darn sure everyone takes you seriously, right?"

Yunsung laughed again. "People already take me seriously, you dolt! Or at least, those who I've fought do!"

Astaroth shook his head. "Bad dialogue, funny looking hair cut, an unnecessary lot of talking… this is what I was afraid of." The golem sat up in his chair while he talked to the poor, disillusioned youth. "Now look, Yunny Sunny, or whatever your name was, I know that you probably think you're a great fighter, or a good rock-paper-scissor champion, or whatever you're the best of. But what you should know is that, well, you're just really annoying." Yunsung looked like he was going to go into a long spiel about how he wasn't annoying, but Astaroth interrupted. "The thing is, you see, that there are many stories in which a head strong youth, such as yourself, can't seem to get respect because he's younger than most other warriors, so he goes out and finds him the biggest, baddest guy around, and, despite impossible odds, he defeats him."

"Now, sometimes this works, but only when the character isn't really annoying, or has silly hair cuts, or comes from a 'tarnished past,' or any angst nonsense like that. Unfortunately, you are both annoying, with very bad dialogue, and a silly hair cut. And on top of that, and this is important, no matter how good you are, I've been fighting longer, and thusly, I know what I'm doing, so it's not like it'll be a walk in the park."

"Now, do we understand one another?"

Apparently not. Yunsung laughed yet again (it seemed to be his most used method of defiance) and said, "You can't scare me! I've fought many warriors better than you, and I can defeat anything that's foolish enough to get in my way! Coward!"

Astaroth rolled his non existent pupils. It was worse than he thought: the kid was using the word "Coward" like it was supposed to be the greatest insult of all time. "All right, boy, if you really want to play this game… Ha! If you want to see a coward, look no farther than your father!" Astaroth cringed as he finished the sentence. What a lame thing to say! Still, it seemed to have the desired effect on Yunsung.

"How dare you call my father a coward! Now get up and fight me, murderer!"

"All right, that's enough." Astaroth heaved himself out the chair and picked up his axe. "I was going to let you go, but I think killing you would benefit mankind in a far greater way."

Yunsung brandished his blade in a manner which he probably thought was very impressive. "Alright, now let's see how you handle my lightning quick manoeuvres!" And after moving his sword around in several flashy motions, Yunsung unleashed a series of fast horizontal attacks. But no matter how fancy he twirled his sword, Astaroth manage to block each and every single one by hold his axe straight up, since Yunsung didn't have the sense to try and manoeuvre around.

Realizing he wasn't making any head way, Yunsung ceased his assault. "So! You are more powerful than I thought, but let's see how you deal with… FIRE STORM!" Once again moving his sword around in unnecessary movements, Yunsung started to go into another monologue. "White Storm, sword of heroes! Now unleash your attack of…OW!"

While Yunsung was busy being fancy, Astaroth has smacked him in the head with the handle of his axe. He wanted to see if he could just sort of shoo him away.

But Yunsung wasn't about to give up (pity). Righting himself, he pointed to Astaroth. "So! A trick manoeuvre, eh? Well, now I will give you a chance, worm! Take your best shot!" Yunsung chuckled to himself. He had spent years perfecting a parrying trick, which, along with the strength of his sword, could deflect any attack.

Astaroth heaved his axe up and swung in one large horizontal movement.

Not only did it cleave the sword right in two, it smacked Yunsung's head clear across the room.

Glad that that was over, Astaroth settled back into his chair, finished his mug of coffee, gave a very good tip to the inn keeper for the trouble, and decided to head to England.

The moral of the story is, annoying characters with bad dialogue should not exist.


End file.
